


All We've Gained Is Craving Palms

by hellpenguin



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-01
Updated: 2010-10-01
Packaged: 2017-10-12 08:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellpenguin/pseuds/hellpenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's driving Nathan crazy with accidental touches (static-shocks to his brain) and one night Audrey figures it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All We've Gained Is Craving Palms

     Every time Nathan brushes up against Audrey, it's all he can do not to grab her, wrap himself around her, press his body against her. Even casual touches mean everything: their fingers brushing when he hands her her coffee mug (a spark, a spark!), her shoulder hitting against his when she passes him in the doorway (fireworks in his brain); sometimes he wants to trip her just so she'd reach for him to help her up.

     He wonders, also, what she would do if he told her. If he told her that of the thousands of people in the world, Jess included, she's the only one who can get him to feel. Would the responsibility drive her away? Would she touch him out of pity? Not many things freak Audrey Parker out, and he doesn't want this...this _thing_ to be one of them.

      “Hey! Nathan? Naaa-thannnn! Hello?” Audrey's voice snaps Nathan back to life. He's sitting at his desk, head in his hands, worrying and aching and fretting about Audrey, and it turns out she's been standing there for at least half a minute trying to get his attention. He almost laughs, but doesn't.

      “What's up?” He forces his hands down onto the flat surface of the desk, doesn't do anything stupid or telling like reach for her hand.

“You okay? Were you sleeping?” She smiles, understanding, because it's late and they're the only ones in the office, working on a case. 

“No, I- Just resting my eyes. You find something?” She nods, comes over to his side of the desk, and slaps down an open file. She leans in, points to something on the page. Her hair tickles Nathan's cheek, and it almost drives him insane. He focuses, sees what she's pointing at. He leans back in his chair.

“Well, shit. How'd I miss that?” He'd read that file at the beginning of the case. The guilt gnawed at him.

Audrey laughs, takes a small step back.

“Maybe you should 'rest your eyes' a bit more, lazybones.” As she turns to go, she punches him in the shoulder- playfully, except she thinks he can't feel, so it hits harder than she might have intended it.

“Ow, watch it,” Nathan rubs his arm. Only too late does he realize he's let on.

Audrey stops, turns back to him, and points at his arm. “Did you feel that?”

Nathan doesn't meet her eyes. He stares pointedly at the file in front of him. “Feel what?”

Audrey doesn't let it pass, how could she? She's FBI, she's trained to pay attention to details and not give up on hunches. Instead, she spins his chair so that he's facing her, and crouches down so that they're eye level. Nathan's gut does troublesome things.

“Nathan, if you can feel again, you need to let me know.” And then she does the stupidest thing for Nathan: she puts a hand on his knee.

Nathan swallows audibly. There's no way out, he's crap at lying. He can feel the heat of Audrey's skin bleeding through the thin denim.

“No, I. I can't feel.” He still doesn't meet her eyes. He's afraid he'll lose this, this semblance of control he maintains in her presence, and he'll do something impulsive, like rock forward into her space and kiss her.

“Really? You can't feel...this?” Audrey squeezes his knee, her nails digging into his kneecap. It's mild enough that he manages to keep his face straight. “How about this?” She reaches up and pinches his arm. He braced himself for that one, is able to look like it didn't bother him.

“Sorry, Audrey, I really can't feel anything.” He tries to spin his chair back, but she holds onto the armrest, trapping him.

“No? How about this, then?” Audrey pulls his knees apart with one hand, fists her other hand, and punches with all her strength at Nathan's crotch.

Nathan manages to block her, his hand catching her wrist and holding it, his eyes meeting hers.

“Audrey,” He croaks out her name, “Don't.” He lets go.

“I can't believe you wouldn't tell me you started to feel again! How long has it been?” Audrey stands, towers over him.

“Audrey-”

“Have you been lying to me this whole time? How am I supposed to trust my partner if he's been lying to me?” She looks like she wants to hurt him, two inches from kicking his shins. He wants her to, disgusts himself with it, wants her to do her worst, cause him pain, because at least pain will be  _something._

“Audrey, no, listen to me, I can't feel, I-”

“Don't you try and take this back, Nathan. It's obvious now you've regained your feelings-”

“Audrey!” Nathan stands, then, up in her space, trapping her gesturing hands between them. He feels her breath on his face and it's killing him. “I  _can't feel_ .” Before she can open her mouth, Nathan grabs her face, cradles her head between his palms, tries to soak up as much of her strength through the  _heat_ and the  _pressure_ and the  _softness_ of her jaw. “I can't feel anything  _but you_ .”

There's a silence, a small absence of sound where Nathan watches Audrey's brain click, watches her brilliant mind connect the dots. Before she can say anything and ruin the calm, he closes the distance and kisses her.

It's meant to be a press of his lips to hers, a chaste reminder of feeling. He hasn't felt a kiss in so long, he's almost forgotten what it's like. But the moment he feels Audrey inhale against his mouth, he slides his fingers into her hair (and it's like nothing-) and steps farther into her space (his thigh-her hips-it's almost-) and the kiss deepens (now he's flying apart-).

Audrey's hands on his chest push a little, and he falls away. Her mouth is pink, her eyes wide, her breath quickening. She stares at him, unbelieving. Then she steps closer, not too close, not close enough.

“So you mean to tell me, that you couldn't feel anything, not even  _Jess_ , until...what?”

“Until you kissed my cheek. The day Jess left.” He can't hold anything back now. Everything is different. He's ruined everything.

“All this time? And you didn't think to tell me?” 

Nathan steps closer, angry, “Tell you what? That for some freak reason, you're the only thing I've felt? That I want you to touch me? Or worse, that I want to touch  _you_ ? How would that make you feel, Audrey? Would you feel pity? Repulsion? Fear? You think I want my partner  _afraid to touch me?!”_

Audrey's shaking her head, but Nathan doesn't stop. He turns away.

Audrey grabs his arm, spins him around, and pushes him against the wall. He hits his head, and it's a good hurt, because it's something out of the nothing he feels every day. Audrey leans in, presses the heel of her hand against his chest, over his heart, says, “I'm not  _afraid_ to touch you,” and kisses him.

This time, Nathan's world breaks apart and he feels everything, too much, sensory fucking  _overload_ . It's like he's catching up on a universe gone past him, all feelings rushing through him at once. He feels the wall, and the floor, and the bruises he's received all throughout the week, the way the fabric of his clothes rubs against his skin, a bugbite on his left ankle- and he feels Audrey pressed against him, the warmth of her body a focusing point that allows him to orient his new world around her. 

Her hand's slid up to his neck, fingers tangling in the short hairs at the back of his head. He slides a hand around her waist, pulls her to him, until all he can feel is the crisp cotton of her work blouse, the thin edge of her belt digging into his palm, the warmth of her thighs around his.

They pull apart to breathe, and they inhale each other's air for seconds.

“And I certainly,” Audrey kisses his cheek, as easily as that first time, “Don't pity you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Pale Blue Eyes" by Barzin.


End file.
